Nat Vikitsreth is a somatic social justice practitioner, a trauma-informed, resilience-oriented licensed psychotherapist, and a relational developmental therapist. She founded Come Back to Care, Inc., to help caregivers move from autopilot to bold, conscious & decolonized (ABCD) parenting.

Siemone Smith has worked in social services for the past decade focusing on trauma-informed practices. Siemone currently works as an Infant Mental Health Specialist at the Erikson Institute alongside serving as a contractual Child-Parent Psychotherapy Clinician.  

During our conversation, Nat and Siemone guided attendees through three questions:

• Why is this conversation about race hard for us?

• How do our children learn about race and racism?

• What can we do before, during, and after the talk?

From these questions sprung three key takeaways:

1.  Personal ‘roadblocks’ make conversations about race difficult for many caregivers.

Personal roadblocks look different for each caregiver and can include:

• Being distracted by external stressors that have us trapped in a ‘fight, flight or freeze mode’, limiting our capacity to engage in intentional conversations with our children.

• For some, being the byproduct of generations of colorblindness can leave us feeling like we cannot engage in conversations about race because the language was never modeled for us. We may also carry a strong desire to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

• Alternatively, the necessity to teach our children to respond to racial discrimination for their own safety can make engaging in intentional conversations difficult as it brings up deep pain and fear.

2. The conversation about race with your little ones can happen naturally throughout your day.

Natural starting points can include observations your child makes about their own or others’ physical traits, physical ability, and gender binaries. Research shows children as young as five years old are soaking up implicit and explicit biases about themselves and others through caregiver modeling and reinforcement. 

3. Conversational ‘building blocks’ can help parents and caregivers engage in difficult conversations about race and racism.

Start with checking in with yourself: What do you want to convey to your little ones? Do you have the mental and emotional capacity to engage in this conversation right now? Communicate safety both verbally and non-verbally to reassure your little one that they are in a safe space. As you talk with your child, observe, watch, and listen to their responses. Lastly, if the conversation arose because your child experienced unfairness, explore actions to safely address their hurt feelings and to equip them with a solution for the next time they encounter a similar situation.

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